Managing Difficult Emotions

A patient at my work is dying of cancer, she has been very strong emotionally up until last week.  Gwen's doctor decided to quit chemotherapy because it has spread all over her body.  Gwen talked about how afraid she is of dying.  I had hugged her and we both cried, I have a lot of sympathy for her.  "Emotions have several dimensions, they are signaled by internal physiological changes manifested by non verbal reactions and defined in most cases by cognitive interpretation."  Gwen is fifty-four and has five grown children and eight grandchildren.  She expressed emotionally how it is tearing her family to pieces and is very worried about all the people she will be leaving behind.  Her battle with cancer is getting the best of her and she knows her time is limited.  Gwen has a hard time expressing her emotions to her family because she has always been the strong one, she tells her children and grand children it's okay to die and there is nothing to be afraid of, then goes to a quiet room and breaks down.  "The way a parent talks to their children about emotions has a powerful effect of the child's development."  The coaching approach gives children skills for communicating about feelings later on in their life that leads to much more satisfying relationships.

References:

Looking Out Looking In 12th edition 

Chapter four

EMPATHY

My friend Lisa has two teenage girls,that are very rude and disrespectful.  Lisa is a single mom and struggles daily to be a good parent.  I've been trying to get her into family counseling.  I have a lot of empathy for her, she is trying her best to be a go0d mom.  "Empathy has an emotional dimension that help us get closer to experiencing others feelings."  I think her daughters would respect her more if they had rules and better boundaries.  It's easy for me to think I would handle her problems better if I were in her shoes.  I feel her pain and I try to help her the best I can.  It is hard to raise kids if they do not respect you.  I've noticed with my kids, I do get the respect I deserve, they know there boundaries and they are properly disciplined when necessary.  Lisa never disciplined her girls when they were little and now she feels it's to late.  "When we empathize we go beyond just thinking and feeling as others do genuinely care about their well being.  Lisa feels guilty for leaving her daughters father, she tried to compensate them by spoiling them rotten.  She knows now she did more damage than good.  I will be there for her no matter what. " When you empathize the experience becomes your own, at least for the moment.  "It may be impossible to ever experience another persons perspective completely, but with enough effort we can gain a better idea of how the world appears to him or her."  

References:

Looking out Looking In 12th edition  page 112

Empathy

My neighbor Jill is going through a tough year, her husband died last summer of throat cancer therefor  I have a lot of empathy for her.  I'm trying to help her with her emotional pain.  Her daughter is handicapped and her son is in trouble with the law constantly.  People think she's a bitter women until you get to know her.  I think the best therapy is to just let people open up and talk.  It must be terrible to fake who you really are.  In todays busy society everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives, people like Jill get forgotten about, I feel I get more emotionally close to people the older I get.  Depression or an illness can cause people to have the wrong perception about themselves.  Bad things do happen in the world to loved ones and friends.  Empathy plays a huge role in how they will heal and open up, I believe that one of my strengths is trying to put myself in another persons shoes,  it gives me a better understanding of their needs. Empathy is a great quality to help people in their journey toward happiness.                        

Self Concept

My friend Linda has a bad concept of who she was.  In her marriage she lost her identity and her self esteem, married for thirteen years and thankfully going through a divorce.  Her soon to be ex-husband emotionally abused her and their children.  Linda used to be a "social butterfly", had a lot of friends and a terrific uplifting personality but after being told for thirteen years how ugly and stupid she was, I think unfortunately she started believing that.  Linda gained about eighty pounds, stopped going to social events and became extremely depressed, it is really disturbing that her husband changed her whole identity of herself.  Linda and her children are now in counseling  and getting great results.  Positive people in your life gives you an acceptance of yourself, I also believe that critical people probably were once victims of some type of abuse themselves and feel much better while breaking other people down.  They tend not to like really happy people because their depression and anger appears deeper.  I think one of the most important things in life is to never lose your self image once you have found it.  There are usually red flags and warnings that someone is a bad person when someone has a negative self concept of themselves.  People should value who they are and focus on positive goals, if you don't accept who you are no one else will either.  Great self esteem is crucial to develop a healthy happy life and influence your children in a positive way.

Different Environments

People come from different backgrounds, cultures and have dealt with certain experiences which make us all unique in our own way.  I have a handicapped neighbor that has very different experiences than I do.  She has daily struggles everyday that I can imagine, but never really know what its like.  We come from different "environments" but still can communicate in a way that we understand a respect each other.  Sarah is young and inexperienced in life, but yet looks up to me.  Even with our different environments and lifestyles we still have a lot of things in common and interests we share.  She comes over everyday after school until her mother gets home from work.  We go on walks, make things out of crafts and have many laughs together.  During this course I can relate to one of the core competencies we discussed being, "Behavior Flexibility".  Behavior flexibility means that you can determine the appropriate communication in different settings and with different people.  For example, I would not discuss the same things I would with my friends, that I would with Sarah.  There for I am also able to adapt to different environments with different people, which makes me versatile in my communication skills.

Computer Mediated Communication- Sister

For my first blog I'm going to write about my sister who is recently going through a divorce. Our main way of communicating is computer mediated communication (CMC). With both of our busy lifestyles that is the most efficient way to communicate. Through CMC even though it's not vocally expressed she can still get the message I'm relaying to her and how she should take it. Through the Internet we still feel very connected. Although there is nothing as personal as face to face communication it's convenient with our lifestyles. Some times I enjoy CMC rather that face to face communication. Through an email there is no awkwardness, no silence and you can think before you type something. One of my weak points is one of the seven core competencies: "holding up my end of the communication. I'm a much better listener than talker so email is defiantly my preferred way of communication. 160 I think that my sister enjoys talking to me because it fulfills her social and identity needs. Socially she needs to communicate with me for companionship and to escape from her everyday stresses. I believe she needs me to help her find her identity again. I think that she lost who she was during her marriage, now single and alone she doesn't know who she has become as an individual .