Body language

It's amazing how much someone's body language can lead communication in a positive or negative direction.  This reminds me of my daughters ex boyfriend Trevor.  Towards the end of their relationship he had no respect for her, my husband or I.  I would notice he would constantly have an attitude that he just didn't care.  When I would speak to him it became very uncomfortable because there was no eye contact, he had poor posture, his body was turned away from me and you could just tell he could care less what I had to say. "By turning your body slightly away from the intruder you can make your feelings very clear."  When picking up on someone doing this behavior to you it becomes very uncomfortable, especially when it's taking place in your own home.  It is stated that you can tell by someone's posture what kind of mood they are in if it being sad, happy, or angry.  Before taking this class I never payed much attention to non verbal communication but now thats the main thing I look at.  It's really interesting how much you can read people by sitting back and observing their behaviors.  

References:

Looking Out Looking In 12th edition page 215

Mindless Listening

I am guilty in engaging in mindless listening when my mother calls me." Mindless Listening occurs when we react to others messages automatically and routinely without much mental investment." I know this is a horrible thing but it's very easy to do with the conversations she wants to talk about.  A few days ago she called me just to see how things were going.  This turned into a two and a half hour conversation about absolutely nothing.  For example, she will ramble on about her great aunts sisters daughters cousin which I don't know and could careless how they are doing in school.  When she calls I sometimes will watch TV, write an email and just act like im listening to her by automatically saying things like uh huh, yes, and oh really when I have no idea what she just said.  I'm normally a mindful listener with the people that I care about, but selfishly when it's something irrelevant and unimportant my mind tends to wander.  I think that my mother can sometimes pick up on this behavior but takes it with a grain of salt.  I think I shouldn't take her words for granted as much as I do because one day she won't be around and I will wish she was talking about silly things just to hear her voice.

References:

Looking Out Looking In Chapter 7, page 235

Equivocal Language

A friend of mine just got a new hair style and color last week which I think looks terrible!  Her cousin is going through cosmetology school and my friend Tina was her guinea pig for a new cut and color.  Her hair was blonde and now is purple-black and really washes her fair complexion out, and the cut looks choppy and uneven.  Tina asked my opinion of her new hair style, I simply said "It's really different and its good to change your style if you're bored with your look.  I really wanted to say, Oh my God! what did you do to your hair!  "Equivocal language consists of statements that have more than one commonly accepted definition.  It helps people get along by avoiding the kind of honesty and clarity that can embarrass both the speaker and listener."  I have now learned through past experiences in my life that being totally honest is not always the best policy.  I have hurt a lot of people's feelings by being to straight forward, I know that pain all to well.  I bought a new outfit that I loved and  asked my husband's opinion, he told me it made me look "fat" OUCH!  It's best to have an understanding of everyone's feelings because no one wants to feel like they don't belong or fit in.

References: Looking Out Looking In Chapter 5

Relative Language

My brother in law and his wife have a bad habit of not showing up when they're supposed to and then of course showing up when they're unexpected.  I think this is very rude, last weekend my brother in law Mark and his wife said "maybe" we will stop over this Saturday, have dinner and play cards.  I assumed they were coming so I made dinner and appetizers expecting them to show up around six or seven, at eight o clock there was still no sign of them.  I learned that the next time someone says "maybe" well stop over I won't be so quick to prepare and plan the whole evening.  "Using relative terms without explaining them can lead to communication problems."  I only assumed they would show up because last time they said "maybe" they ended up coming.  I have now learned to get a clear definite answer because it can change my whole day of preparing and planning.  "Some relative terms are so common that we mistakenly assume they have clear meaning."  I can only blame myself because Mark never said for sure he and his wife were coming.  I know he felt bad so maybe next time he will be more clear also. 

Gender

I have had many experiences with how gender can play very different roles in understanding emotions.  If I had a bad day at work or am feeling upset I talk to my daughter, it's not that my husband doesn't understand, he just doesn't express his emotions the same way I do.  "Research on emotional expression suggests that there is at least some truth in the cultural stereotype of the unexpressive male and the expressive female."  I'm not sure if it's because men are taught from childhood to be tough and hide your emotions or if it goes much deeper than that including hormones and genetic make-up.  I think that it's more of a status to maintain than anything.  The saying goes "men are from mars and woman are from venus" even though we are the same species we can be completely different.  Overall woman think about emotions more than men do, so if a man forgets your birthday try to cut him a little slack, it's not that he is trying to make you upset, he just really did forget.  "A team of psychologists tested men and woman's recall of emotional images and found that females were 10 to 15 percent more accurate in remembering them."  I believe this is something that will never change just because of who we are, they say opposites attract and I think this is proof enough!