Stereotypes

I think that stereotypes and the way society views you has a major impact in how you see yourself. My children are twenty one and sixteen needing to wear the most stylish clothes including Abercrombie and Fitch, Hollister and many more. I think this type of behavior is more common in teens and young adults since they are finding out who they are.  Sadly we live in a society where the negative characteristics of a person stick out more so than the good ones including looks. If you don't look "cool" but have a good personality not many people will want to approach you. "A study revealed that job interviewers were likely to reject a candidate who revealed negative information even when the rest of the information about the candidate is positive." That goes to show that negative sticks out much more than positive, thats why we feel like we have to dress and look out best in fear of walking out of the house being judged in a negative way. Although this problem will never end along as there is hollywood and television giving us one definition what beautiful is, its up to us to try and teach our children it really is the inside what counts after all.

References:

Looking Out Looking In 12th edition

Chapter 3 

Saving Face

Im a person who tries to make the peace with everyone in my household no matter what, especially my children. My husband can be very strict which is a great thing since I'm such a "softy." My children have simple chores to do around the house each day which consist of making their beds, letting the dogs outside and unloading the dishwasher. A few weeks ago my son went to his friends house but was told first he had to do his household chores. When I got home from work his bed was unmade and the dishwasher was full. Knowing that my husband would be home in about an hour I decided to do his chores myself to save him from getting grounded.  Knowing this was wrong I called him and made an agreement. I told him that when he got home he had to help me out around the house which he agreed to do. I think this is okay once in a while as long as he knows what he did was wrong and makes up for it. I would consider myself the glue to our family and try to keep the peace as much as I can. Saving face isn't always right but I think with minor things such as this it can be okay.

Attacking the Critic

My daughter and I started weight watchers last month with great results so far. My husband and son can be very rude and make sure they comment on something if they think it's not in our "diet" plan. With weight watchers you can eat chocolate, chips even fast food but in moderation. I know that they are just trying to help us stay on track but I get very defensive since there not bean poles themselves. I am attacking the critic using verbal aggression because its something I don't want to hear, which can turn into an argument. My husband and son don't mean to hurt my feelings but they like to use sarcasm which I take the wrong way. I found out with me that if not comfortable with something about myself its easy to get defensive and feel threatened even though its my family and they would never try to hurt me. I need to learn to just brush this issue off and not get so worked up about it. I'm a person that can take a lot of jokes and sarcasm unless its something that I'm trying to change and I'm insecure with.  I'm learning to sit back an evaluate the whole situation before I make a rational decision that leaves everyone feeling upset. We are both down about twelve pounds so I guess in time they will learn to shut themselves up once we reach our desired goal weight!

Intimacy

In our last discussion we discussed intimacy and if we think it could work online.  My sister recently got a divorce and she is now trying the "online dating."  She has met a few men from match.com and other websites.  She said that the connection was there almost immediately with the current man she is seeing now.  I think that you can feel connected with someone if you have the same common interests but I believe people get this confused with intimacy.  I think that people can act one way over the internet and completely different in person.  I think intimacy requires touch and eye contact.  Body language is another huge factor and how someone uses it towards you.  I have heard success stories about people finding their soulmate online which is great, I just think that intimacy comes after meeting in person. This is my general opinion however "researchers know now that computer meditated communication (CMC) can be just as personal as face to face."  I agree that CMC can be very personal because your hiding behind a screen and not as worried as being judge, but still think that being personal and intimate are two different things.  Either way its up to the person and how they truly feel, everyone has there own opinion on intimacy so I think its hard to sum it up into one general category.

References: 

Looking Out Looking In; Chapter 9

Lying

I have always tried to teach my children that lying isn't the best policy however, through their teenage years I feel that it's impossible to get 100% of the truth all of the time.  I have a sixteen year old son that lies about the silliest things.  There is one thing that happened recently that comes to mind.  I called my son and asked him to let the dogs out, he said he would and I know how he can get distracted by the computer so I called back thirty minutes later to make sure he had done so.  He said he did and they all went to the bathroom.  I then called my daughter to see what she was doing.  She told me that she and the dogs went to Petco and the dog park so they could run and have been gone for a few hours!  The more I thought about the situation the more mad I got, why did he have to lie about that! That proved to me he was just lazy and really wasn't going to let them out if they were there.  Lying has many effects on how someone will perceive you, from this small lie it's going to be hard to trust him when he says he let the dogs out.  I wouldn't say this damage our relationship but put a dent into our trust.  "Research has shown that lying does in fact threaten relationships."  I know that this is something minor and most teens go through so I don't take it to heart, I just know I have to keep a close eye on him and constantly remind him lying is not the best policy.

Looking Out Looking In Ch.9

Maintenance

I have found out through the years that my past and present relationships require a lot of maintenance.  There are five keys items that every relationship must have to be healthy and strong ; positivity, openness, assurance, social networks and sharing.  If you are missing one of these five things it may be a long rough road ahead.  This subject reminds me of my daughter and he ex boyfriend Trevor.  From what I saw they had three out of the five, which lead them to breaking up.  I believe they were both guilty in the process of breaking up.  My daughter lost touch with many of her friends because she was spending all of her time with Trevor.  It seemed as if they were together constantly with little to no time alone.  I have been married for many years and I believe having space and many friends is crucial in having a successful relationship.  It seemed that Trevor criticized my daughter quit often over small things.  They would argue and fight over something as stupid as were they wanted to eat.  I thought how childish, but now that I look back it all boiled down to them not having space from each other which I know from experience, to much time together can wear on people.  "Keeping the relational climate polite and upbeat and also avoiding criticism."  I have walked in on the arguing and saying very hurtful things to each other like" your hair looks horrible, I would be embarrassed to go in public."  I think that both of them are glad the relationship is over because it gradually kept getting worse and worse.  I told her to learn from this and if you see any warnings signs that a person doesn't have all of these qualities they may not be best for you.

References:

Looking out Looking In 12Th edition Ch 8. 

Body language

It's amazing how much someone's body language can lead communication in a positive or negative direction.  This reminds me of my daughters ex boyfriend Trevor.  Towards the end of their relationship he had no respect for her, my husband or I.  I would notice he would constantly have an attitude that he just didn't care.  When I would speak to him it became very uncomfortable because there was no eye contact, he had poor posture, his body was turned away from me and you could just tell he could care less what I had to say. "By turning your body slightly away from the intruder you can make your feelings very clear."  When picking up on someone doing this behavior to you it becomes very uncomfortable, especially when it's taking place in your own home.  It is stated that you can tell by someone's posture what kind of mood they are in if it being sad, happy, or angry.  Before taking this class I never payed much attention to non verbal communication but now thats the main thing I look at.  It's really interesting how much you can read people by sitting back and observing their behaviors.  

References:

Looking Out Looking In 12th edition page 215