Maintenance

I have found out through the years that my past and present relationships require a lot of maintenance.  There are five keys items that every relationship must have to be healthy and strong ; positivity, openness, assurance, social networks and sharing.  If you are missing one of these five things it may be a long rough road ahead.  This subject reminds me of my daughter and he ex boyfriend Trevor.  From what I saw they had three out of the five, which lead them to breaking up.  I believe they were both guilty in the process of breaking up.  My daughter lost touch with many of her friends because she was spending all of her time with Trevor.  It seemed as if they were together constantly with little to no time alone.  I have been married for many years and I believe having space and many friends is crucial in having a successful relationship.  It seemed that Trevor criticized my daughter quit often over small things.  They would argue and fight over something as stupid as were they wanted to eat.  I thought how childish, but now that I look back it all boiled down to them not having space from each other which I know from experience, to much time together can wear on people.  "Keeping the relational climate polite and upbeat and also avoiding criticism."  I have walked in on the arguing and saying very hurtful things to each other like" your hair looks horrible, I would be embarrassed to go in public."  I think that both of them are glad the relationship is over because it gradually kept getting worse and worse.  I told her to learn from this and if you see any warnings signs that a person doesn't have all of these qualities they may not be best for you.

References:

Looking out Looking In 12Th edition Ch 8.