Intimacy

In our last discussion we discussed intimacy and if we think it could work online.  My sister recently got a divorce and she is now trying the "online dating."  She has met a few men from match.com and other websites.  She said that the connection was there almost immediately with the current man she is seeing now.  I think that you can feel connected with someone if you have the same common interests but I believe people get this confused with intimacy.  I think that people can act one way over the internet and completely different in person.  I think intimacy requires touch and eye contact.  Body language is another huge factor and how someone uses it towards you.  I have heard success stories about people finding their soulmate online which is great, I just think that intimacy comes after meeting in person. This is my general opinion however "researchers know now that computer meditated communication (CMC) can be just as personal as face to face."  I agree that CMC can be very personal because your hiding behind a screen and not as worried as being judge, but still think that being personal and intimate are two different things.  Either way its up to the person and how they truly feel, everyone has there own opinion on intimacy so I think its hard to sum it up into one general category.

References: 

Looking Out Looking In; Chapter 9

Lying

I have always tried to teach my children that lying isn't the best policy however, through their teenage years I feel that it's impossible to get 100% of the truth all of the time.  I have a sixteen year old son that lies about the silliest things.  There is one thing that happened recently that comes to mind.  I called my son and asked him to let the dogs out, he said he would and I know how he can get distracted by the computer so I called back thirty minutes later to make sure he had done so.  He said he did and they all went to the bathroom.  I then called my daughter to see what she was doing.  She told me that she and the dogs went to Petco and the dog park so they could run and have been gone for a few hours!  The more I thought about the situation the more mad I got, why did he have to lie about that! That proved to me he was just lazy and really wasn't going to let them out if they were there.  Lying has many effects on how someone will perceive you, from this small lie it's going to be hard to trust him when he says he let the dogs out.  I wouldn't say this damage our relationship but put a dent into our trust.  "Research has shown that lying does in fact threaten relationships."  I know that this is something minor and most teens go through so I don't take it to heart, I just know I have to keep a close eye on him and constantly remind him lying is not the best policy.

Looking Out Looking In Ch.9

Maintenance

I have found out through the years that my past and present relationships require a lot of maintenance.  There are five keys items that every relationship must have to be healthy and strong ; positivity, openness, assurance, social networks and sharing.  If you are missing one of these five things it may be a long rough road ahead.  This subject reminds me of my daughter and he ex boyfriend Trevor.  From what I saw they had three out of the five, which lead them to breaking up.  I believe they were both guilty in the process of breaking up.  My daughter lost touch with many of her friends because she was spending all of her time with Trevor.  It seemed as if they were together constantly with little to no time alone.  I have been married for many years and I believe having space and many friends is crucial in having a successful relationship.  It seemed that Trevor criticized my daughter quit often over small things.  They would argue and fight over something as stupid as were they wanted to eat.  I thought how childish, but now that I look back it all boiled down to them not having space from each other which I know from experience, to much time together can wear on people.  "Keeping the relational climate polite and upbeat and also avoiding criticism."  I have walked in on the arguing and saying very hurtful things to each other like" your hair looks horrible, I would be embarrassed to go in public."  I think that both of them are glad the relationship is over because it gradually kept getting worse and worse.  I told her to learn from this and if you see any warnings signs that a person doesn't have all of these qualities they may not be best for you.

References:

Looking out Looking In 12Th edition Ch 8.